


One of Those Emon Weddings

by inadistantworld



Series: First Dates [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Critical Role Relationship Week, Everyone else from Vox Machina is in it too, First Dates, Fluff, It's True Love Folks!, Las Vegas Wedding, M/M, Soulmates, Wedding Fluff, but it's not about them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 08:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14972912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inadistantworld/pseuds/inadistantworld
Summary: Grog and Scanlan meet at a bar and after realizing they don't have anything better to do they decide they should get married.





	One of Those Emon Weddings

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhhhhhh so I don't know how many I'll get done before the week is over, but right now I have seven planned out for this "Series" that is all just first date stuff. But I've been in a real rut so I'm not sure how quickly they'll come out, but I like them all a lot so hopefully if it doesn't happen this week it'll still happen.  
> Anyways Grog is super sweet and I'll fight anyone in a Denny's about it.  
> Not a couple I really write much for but I always thought their dynamic is fun, so glad to write something a little goofy and impulsive for them. Hope you guys like it too.

When Scanlan Shorthalt, a shorter man with long brown hair and a silver tongue, met Grog Strongjaw, a giant, broad, tattooed, bald man with little to no tact (an absolutely no desire to have any), Scanlan was already smashed. Grog wasn’t exactly sober either, he was few drinks in and still slamming them back to try and catch up to Pike who had moved down the bar to chat up a woman with dark hair and blue feathers.

Scanlan, drunk and already a little too forward for most people, whistled when Grog set an empty glass on the table with a little too much force. Scanlan was sure that if the man’s shirt had sleeves they would have split open with arms like that. “What a big man,” his voice was airy and teasing and so openly suggestive that even Grog couldn’t misunderstand.

He turned to look at Scanlan and drew his eyes over the man like he was inspecting him. Then he smiled and leaned one elbow on the bar, “You have no idea,” he said. His voice was low and gruff and Scanlan wouldn’t have lied if someone asked, it was sexy as fuck.

“Oh really?” Scanlan stepped toward him, closing the gap that had been left between them when a blonde man was whisked away by a boisterous, laughing man with gold beads in his beard. A sly smile toyed at Scanlan’s lips, “Tell me about it, stud.” He dragged one finger down Grog’s chest. Gods it was like the man was made entirely of muscle.

Grog’s heavy, hot hand found Scanlan’s hip and gently pulled him even closer, careful to give him the chance to pull away if he didn’t like it. Scanlan had very few boundaries though and being pressed up against a man he was hitting on was definitely not one of them. They were almost flush against each other and Grog leaned down and Scanlan could feel warm breath against the shell of his ear when Grog said, “I’d rather show you.”

Grog and Pike had come for two reasons. One was to see who could drink the most as the loser was responsible for making breakfast in the morning (with the number of times Grog had lost he had become a rather good cook. As long as it was breakfast foods). The second reason was to see who could go home with someone, because both Pike and Grog were creatures with particular vices. Pike was finishing her residency at a hospital, soon to become a real doctor as they both joked, and needed to let out some of that tension. Grog just figured tonight was as good a night as any.

Scanlan gasped dramatically and took half a step back, faking an offended face badly enough to let Grog know it was a show. “I’ll have you know I’m saving myself for marriage!”

Grog had a blank look and had to blink a few times to recover. Perhaps it wasn’t obvious enough that it was a joke, Scanlan realized. “Oh, right. Sorry.”

 _Sweet_ , Scanlan thought. “Well, maybe I could—”

“I wouldn’t want you to miss out. Wanna get married?” He asked with a broad smile and a flash in his eyes.

It was Scanlan’s turn to be truly shocked. “Get married?”

Grog shrugged, “You got anything else to do tonight?”

And well, he had a point, but that didn’t mean Scanlan would just say yes. “You’re asking to marry someone you just met?”

“I wouldn’t want you to miss out on such a great experience.” There was something about his smile, something that Scanlan really wanted to see more of and was desperate to know where it would take him. It just looked fucking _fun_.

Scanlan looked him up and down again. “What a lackluster way to ask a man to marry you.”

“Want me down on one knee or something?” He chuckled.

“For starters,” Scanlan pursed his lips and tucked some of his hair behind his hair in a haughty way.

“You’re one of those big ask people then, huh?”

“Well I wouldn’t say my ass is that big,” Scanlan teased with a wink, “but I do like a show.”

“Well,” Grog turned to the person on his other side who was sitting on a stool and, without any warning, took the chair out from under him and let him fall straight to the ground. He then presented the stool to Scanlan, “Sit right there and I’ll give it to you.”

“My goodness,” Scanlan said as he sat, “keep talking like that and we might just skip the wedding.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Grog then proceeded to stand on the bar (knocking over a few glasses in the process). “Alright everybody!” He yelled, “Quiet down, I’ve got something to say and I’d like you all to here it!”

The bar fell silent and the bartender looked like he wanted to say, ‘please get off of my bar’ but looked at how big Grog’s arms were and thought better of it. A short, blonde woman at the end mouthed his name and held her hands up in the traditional ‘What the fuck?’ way.

Grog the cleared his throat and began looking something up on his phone. “I suppose I should say something first. Love,” Scanlan shook his head, a wide grin already spreading across his face. Grog’s voice was so low and rough that just hearing the world love made him want to laugh. “Love is something special and you can find it for a night or for life, as I’m sure many of you know. And when you know it, you know it. And um, sometimes you don’t it, sometimes you just guess. Anyways, when it’s time you should make sure everyone in the room knows, as long as the man in question really likes this kind of thing.” Then he looked up from his phone.

Scanlan stopped trying to hold back his laughter when he started singing From This Moment On by Shania Twain. Perhaps the funniest part was that he knew every word and sang it loudly and with an enormous amount of pride.

And when the song was finished he awkwardly went to one knee on the bar and said, “What do you say? Was it big enough? Will you marry me now?” He held his hands out as he waited for an answer.

Scanlan finally stopped laughing and tapped his finger to his lips a few times as he thought about it. Then he said, “You certainly understand my need for a spectacle. What the hell, let’s get married!”

And then the bar erupted into cheers and when Grog jumped down there were already two sets of drinks in front of Scanlan for the new happy couple.

“You drive a hard bargain,” Scanlan said with a smirk and took a pineapple slice from the rim of his glass.

“Well, I’ve always wanted to have honeymoon sex.” Grog picked up his own drink and winked at Scanlan.

“I’ve heard it makes getting married worth it.”

“Now you’re just making me excited to start our life together. This is Emon, I’m sure there’s something open nearby.”

“Well now, fiancé,” Scanlan downed his drink, “what about our bachelor parties? And I’ll need to tell my friends that they’re my best man and woman of course.”

“Now that you mention it, I’ve always wanted a bachelor party.”

“Well this is perfect timing, right before our wedding.”

“Oh fuck,” Grog said suddenly, “we’re not supposed to see each other the day of the wedding.” He quickly spun around and Scanlan laughed as he followed suit.

“There’s a chapel on 23rd and 9th,” Scanlan said. He had always made jokes about how he should get married there which was how he knew where it was. “Have your party, get something to wear, tell whoever you want to show up, and I’ll see you there at 3:00 if you’re still up for it.”

“It’s true love, babe, don’t you feel it?” Grog laughed. And Scanlan, rather expertly, ignored the flutter in his chest that said yes and brushed it off on the drinks.

“I just know how easily other men get cold feet.”

“Are you backing out on me?” He teased.

“Me? Back out? If there’s anything you should know about me before we get married it’s that I only run away from things very often and when I feel like I don’t want to be there any longer. But I am also never going to turn down something ridiculous and exciting and fun, so don’t worry about me getting cold feet tonight. Especially considering how much you’ve built up this wedding night sex with you.”

“It’ll change your world,” Grog promised. And then Grog’s large hand reached back and found Scanlan’s smaller one and he gave it a gentle squeeze, startling both of them. Scanlan returned the pressure and then they both let go, not sure where it had come from or why. Probably the alcohol.

Then they split off to find their friends.

Pike and Vex, without realizing that the other one also had a horse in this race, both apologized profusely and said they had to handle something. Vax also went looking for Scanlan, but he also brought along a white-haired man with gold rimmed glasses.

“There you guys are,” Scanlan said when he found his friends.

“Scanlan, what the fuck was that?” Vex asked.

“Another gorgeous man proposing to me, which is just the price I must pay to be beautiful. What do you say, Vex, wanna be my best woman?” It was no secret that Vex and Scanlan had a closer relationship. Of course he and Vax loved each other and were very close, but there was something that he and Vex shared that even Vax didn’t really get. Under any other circumstances it might have made her heart well up.

“You just met this guy, you can’t be serious.” Vex looked over her shoulder, trying to spot the guy again.

Scanlan shrugged and smiled, “I didn’t have anything else to do tonight. Besides, I always wanted to cross married sex off my list.” It was similar to Grog’s line, but it was also the complete truth.

“Is divorce sex on your list as well?” The man with bright blue eyes asked.

Scanlan laughed loudly and without any shame, like most of what he did. “Fuck, it is now!”

Vax was smiling at the man next to him, “Are we allowed a plus one?” he asked and looped his arm around Percy’s waist.

 

“Grog, you can’t marry someone you just met,” Pike said with a gentle voice, the same one she used with children refusing medicine (it was no surprise that she had done well in pediatrics).

Grog huffed as they walked out of the bar, “I don’t see why not. He’s more fun than any of the others I’ve actually dated.”

“Yeah, but what if he’s like, I don’t know…a serial killer?”

Grog nodded thoughtfully, “I bet I could take him if I needed to.”

“Or you could just wait and see if you actually like him.”

Grog frowned, “Well that wouldn’t stop him from being a serial killer.” And that was a kind of logic that Pike didn’t really have anything to say about. “Besides, you’re always telling me to go with my gut, and this is what it’s telling me.”

Pike sighed and smiled, “Well, if you’re gut’s telling you to do it, then I guess you should do it.”

Grog practically beamed, “I knew you’d understand.” He then stopped and turned to his best friend in the whole world and asked her, in the empty parking lot of Viktor’s, “Pike, will you be my best man?”

And Pike looked like she almost wanted to cry but was too much of a bad ass, “Of course, buddy.” And they hugged.

Then Grog said, “Now let’s go find a strip club for my bachelor party.”

 

Finding a strip club in the enormous city of Emon was not at all difficult, so Grog and Scanlan found two different places to take their friends, different dancers to cheer on, different songs to get lap dances to, and even with the distance between them and the fact that it could have been so easy to forget about the other, they were distracted. As many people are the day of their wedding.

And something that was normally fun and exciting for both parties simply became…mundane. How could this stripper, so similar to all the others before, catch their attention when somewhere was a guy who was supposed to be meeting them in a chapel in less than two hours. Which lead to other thoughts unrelated to the person currently grinding on them or their friends subtly trying to steer their thoughts away from the engagement.

For instance, what would they wear? Should they bring flowers? Did they need rings? Could they get matching tattoos instead of rings while they were drunk at 3 AM? Scanlan wondered if he should get a garter to wear. Grog asked Pike if they should make a wedding playlist. What about the cake? Did the chapel provide cake?

There was never the question about if they should do this or if the other would show. It was strange but it was exciting. Neither one had ever been particularly interested in marriage or finding a forever partner, but if they were going to get married this was the truest to Scanlan and Grog form. Who cared if it lasted, they thought, it was fun tonight and that was their primary interest. Have fun tonight. If it was fun tomorrow then keep it going, if not then what did it matter, they could handle it then.

But it was all of the exciting parts that kept them from truly enjoying their bachelor parties. Which was probably why they didn’t last very long before, almost at the same time and blocks apart from each other, they said it was time to leave so they could get ready.

Vex, Vax, Percy, and Pike all were hesitant to fully jump aboard, but then again plenty of people got fucked up and married in Emon and they survived, got it annulled or a divorce or whatever it was they needed to do and it didn’t change much of anything. So, knowing they couldn’t change the minds of their terribly stubborn and adventurous friend, they went shopping.

Scanlan decided to wear white, considering it had all come from a joke about him saving himself for marriage. It was not a white dress or suit though, it was a white morph suit. He did buy the “Chippendale” pack that came with the little cuffs and bowtie so it almost looked like a suit. He also picked some flowers from outside of a hotel and bought a garter to wear over his morph suit (it was purple which Scanlan said was one of the wedding colors. When Percy asked is he had asked his fiancé about the colors Scanlan simply said, “We’re soulmates, I just know,” and continued picking flowers before security came out with a flashlight saying to get out.

Grog also went to get something to wear. It was a one of those tuxedo shirts that said “Groom” on the back and a pair of jeans with holes that he sometimes wore to work or concerts, and apparently weddings. He also dropped quarters into one of those little capsule machines until he got two cheap rings made for a kid’s finger and not two grown men, especially not one with hand’s like Grog. But Pike helped him find two thin chains to put them on for necklaces and then found them a grocery story that was still open and was selling a cake. Unlike nicer grocery stores there was nobody at the bakery who could write on the cake, so Grog bought some of the frosting in the little tube and Grog wrote “Thx 4 marrying me” on it. Pike also helped him safety pin a flower to his shirt for a little extra class.

And at 3 in the morning Scanlan walked into the little chapel where he was greeted by a woman with long red hair wearing a green tank top, which was exactly the kind of vibe Scanlan was looking for. She had a wide smile and waved him in eagerly, “Hi there! You’re here with—”

“So he’s here?” Scanlan jumped in with an uncharacteristic nervousness.

The woman blinked a few times, “Of course he’s here, he said that his soulmate would be here at 3. A guy who talks about you like that wouldn’t just not show up.” She winked and led him in. “I could tell you were the one he was talking about, you have very similar tastes.”

Scanlan adjusted his bowtie with a serious face, “Elegant and sophisticated, yes I know.”

She paused and Vex, who was behind Scanlan, shook her head a little and the woman smiled and nodded, “Right. Anyways, your soulmate,” she sighed happily, obviously someone who loved and believed in her job, “is already down there. So, you stand here,” she touched his shoulders and maneuvered him behind a curtain, “I’ll take your friends down so they will be standing down there for you and—”

“Can you ask him if we can put the white haired one on his side?”

“Oh, because he only has his best woman with him? It’ll look nicer in pictures if we balance it out like that.” She nodded earnestly.

“That, and also it’s tradition for groomsmen to bang someone on the other side, so I want to help my buddy Vax out.”

“Really Scanlan?” Vex asked, but she smiled and rolled her eyes.

“I’m just looking out for my boy!”

“I can take care of that for you. Now, all you have to do is when you hear the music, walk down the aisle. And then stop, then turn and face him and then just listen to what I say, like when I ask you say I do and that kind of thing. It’s pretty easy and there’s no reason to worry about anything. You really picked a good option for your wedding, we take care of all the hard stuff.” She smiled again, “Do you have any questions?”

“Should I have brought my own champagne?”

She laughed again, “No, we have the champagne. But he did bring the cake, so that’s taken care of.”

Scanlan nodded and ran his fingers through his hair, “Then let’s do this shit.”

It was a few minutes before the music started and Scanlan stepped out from behind the curtain like some kind of model and sauntered down the aisle with his flowers in his hands and his hair flowing freely. And Grog snuck a glance over his shoulder and just beamed. Out of all the ways his night could have gone this was certainly the most interesting.

Scanlan stood next to him and then the woman gestured for them to turn towards each other and, with a deep breath, they did. And then they laughed, because it was possibly one of the most ridiculous things either of them had ever done.

“You showed up,” Grog said.

“Of course, I said yes, didn’t I?” Scanlan tucked some his hair behind his ear and winked.

The woman clapped her hands together and with unbridled joy she said, “My name is Keyleth. And this is a pretty big moment for me. You are the first couple I’m marrying on my own, which is an important step in my life and my career. I hope to be helping couples start their lifelong adventure together until they tell me I can’t do it any longer.

“But as big a moment this is for me, it’s a monumental moment for you two. You, for whatever magical reason, have decided that your lives are better spent together than apart. You have chosen each other as a teammate and a partner and you’re going to go through this together. Because life is an adventure and adventures aren’t worth doing if you’re doing them alone. You have your friends and your families as the start of your adventuring party, and that’s wonderful. But now you’ve added one more, one who can make coming home as exciting and worthwhile as whatever…strange things you get up to on Saturday nights.

“But you came here because you didn’t want to wait any longer, because you are ready to start this adventure I keep talking about. You came here because you wanted to get married right now, because the wait wasn’t worth it when you knew you didn’t have to wait. So I’m not going to drag it on longer than I have to.

“This next part is what we call the Declaration of Intent, which is rather simple to understand I think. Do you--,” she gestured to Scanlan.

He cleared his throat and said smoothly and without a single tremor in his voice (which was for some strange reason harder to manage than he had anticipated. Keyleth’s speech had seemed to move him a little more than he thought a 24 hour chapels’ speech would), “Scanlan Shorthalt.”

“Scanlan Shorthalt take—” she gestured to Grog.

Grog nodded and straightened up a little more, “Grog Strongjaw.”

Scanlan snorted, “Grog? It is short for anything or is it just Grog?”

Keyleth looked confused and then it clicked for the others that they had never even found out each other’s names. Grog frowned as if mildly insulted and said, “It’s a good name.” Then he smiled, “Better than my father’s at least. Stonejaw Strongjaw.”

Scanlan threw his head back and laughed. When he finished he was brushing the tears away from his eyes. “That’s beautiful, but Grog is much better.” Scanlan had the urge to rest his hand on Grog’s chest, so he did because they were getting married and that meant they should probably not have to fear touching each other romantically on their wedding night.

“Glad you like it, wouldn’t want you saying someone else’s later tonight,” he joked back.

“It’s all you for tonight,” Scanlan promised.

Keyleth cleared her throat, still reeling a little from the realization that these two didn’t even know the other’s name, especially after the kind of talk she had given them. “So, do you, Scanlan Shorthalt, take Grog Strongjaw, to be your lawfully wedding husband?”

“I do,” Scanlan said with a huge grin.

“And do you, Grog Strongjaw, take Scanlan Shorthalt to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” he said with the rough voice that came with a goofy smile.

“Well, uh, this is the part where you could share your prepared vows if you would like.” This was obviously not the first marriage she had expected, but everyone was sure it would be an interesting story for her too.

Scanlan, ever the showman, said, “I don’t know about prepared vows, but I’m known for my improv acting so I’m sure I can come up with something.” There was a pause and it startled Scanlan because, well because he didn’t have any witty ideas or bits to say. He had nothing. Which was not at all the kind of person he was. “I didn’t have any plans for the night, certainly nothing about getting married, but when a man who looks like you sings Shaina Twain, I don’t think there’s a man on the planet who could say no. And you’ve made some pretty big promises about tonight that I’ll hold you to in private so I can spare my friends the details. I feel like I should say something romantic, but really I just want to thank you for giving me a great story to tell and a night to remember. My first wedding.”

“First,” Keyleth squeaked out before pressing her lips into a thin line as if she realized she said it out loud.

Neither one seemed to notice though because Grog just laughed and said, “It’s mostly just me and my buddy Pike,” he looked over his shoulder to his friend with blonde hair and a scar that across her eye, “and normally people laugh at me more than with me. I liked that we were on the same page, you know? You’re funny Scanlan and you like to have fun. Not sure if there’s anyone else that I’d rather have my first marriage with.”

Keyleth cleared her throat awkwardly and said with a little bit of a forced smile, probably from the shock more than anything, “You may now kiss your husband!”

And they did kiss. And they spent the night together just like they planned. Vax did indeed bang (and later fell in love with) Percy, and Vex bonded (and also later fell in love with) with Pike over how ridiculous their friends were. Keyleth also joined the growing circle of friends, as she needed someone to explain to her what was going on and then everyone decided they liked her and should keep her.

And the next day came and the marriage was still fun. And the next. And the next. To say that these two fell in love over time would be entirely untrue. These two fell in love when Grog stood on the table and sang Shaina Twain. All soulmates are different. Some fall in lust and then love, like Gilmore and Tary would. Some feel the pull and call it lust until they realize what it really is, like Percy and Vax. Some feel it like friendship at first, Pike and Vex were a prime example of friends before lovers before wives. And some, well some just go with their gut when it says, ‘This is the one’.

Keyleth officiated their first wedding. She also officiated their second when, five years later, Grog divorced Scanlan just so he could marry him again. And she married them a third time when Scanlan divorced Grog because he would not be upstaged and needed to have an even bigger wedding than the one three years earlier. And she officiated their fourth and final wedding when they said they wanted their son to be in it. And every day they wore a necklace with a shitty ring far too small for their fingers.

Keyleth was right, they made home just as much of an adventure as finding someone in a bar to get married to because it just seemed like fun.


End file.
